March 29, 2007

For and Against

We got a newsletter at the church on Monday. It talked about "the true meaning of Lent" as a time "of repentance...a time to see the evils of the world for what they are," and to re-dedicate ourselves to combating or avoiding them. The author then, handily enough, went on to list what/who several of those evils are and ended the e-mail with a paragraph about not being "of the flesh" in a world falling deeper into "spiritual decay" every day.

This brings back memories for me. One of the three preachers at the church I attended in Grad School was a man I nicknamed "Mr. Brimstone." Every time he preached he would paint vivid pictures of the evils present in the world...in culture, in government, in the seemingly harmless people that we walk by every day...and hell was never too far in the background, the heat not-so-subtly turned up as he talked about these evils lurking in the world. He would talk about the decline of the world around us, talk about the truth present "in these walls that is ignored, even hated by the world," and would (quite effectively) bring home that message that the Christian life was a battle; a constant, bloody struggle between God and secular belief and culture. I would leave his sermons with an odd mix of emotions. Sometimes there was some conviction, other times understanding...but there was always (above everything else) a whole lot of fear, and often times some anger against the world around me. I remember telling one of my friends one Sunday, as we left, "Well, now I have laundry lists of what God hates, what God is against...I think I'm ready to hear about what God is for."

What I'm realizing, the more I preach, is that I'm not that guy. Maybe it's naivety, maybe it's a reaction to Mr. Brimstone, maybe it's just brutally ignorant optimism...but I'm the guy who tries to preach about what God is for. I read the Bible and ask, "What does God want me to be, to do? How is God working in the world around me?" I don't think this is a bad thing...but I am wondering if this exempts me from effectively preaching Lent. I have done a sermon series on love for Lent...and I have tried to make it not just about some dumb puppy-dog "I get what I want" love, but a love that challenges us to change and see how love involves repentance, humility, and the like. I have tried to be convicting...I have tried to present the truth that the Gospel calls us to change dramatically and passionately.

But, if truly preaching Lent involves that next step... I just can't do it. I've heard too many people spend hours upon hours, sermons upon sermons, delineating all the dangers, toils, and snares that wait outside the church. I've heard too many people overplay the "battle" angle, making it seem like the world has spun out of God's control, now a cesspool full of dirty sin and dirtier sinners. I've spent too much time looking for the enemy in the culture, the government, in the people I meet. I think I've spent too much time thinking about what/who God hates instead of how God is working in the world and us to bring change.

And so that has been my approach to Lent. God has already moved, in Christ, to win the day. How can we, as the people of God, focus on the things Christ calls us to live out? How can we put aside selfish motivations and sin? How can we become who we are called to be? How can we focus on this merciful self-giving God in Christ...and not ourselves? Lent, as I guess I am approachign it, is less about feeling guilt or shame about doing what God is "against," less about advertising the evils of the world...but rather getting over our hesitations and fears to answer the challenge and see how God is bringing light and life into the world. To see how we are called to show the light that is greater than those sins. To see how we can be more Christ-like.

A time less to see the evils of the world for what they truly are...and more to see Christ for who he truly is.

March 21, 2007

Ranking: Today's Top Ten Junk E-Mails

Junk mail continues to amaze me. There is, evidently, a great deal of money to be made on people like me (Not to mention the church...the amount of junk mail we get for the church reaches paralyzing levels over any given weekend). And there are, evidently, people who actually buy products and/or services based on web solicitation. This stupefies me. Who reads the "ONE TIME OFFER--FREE CHEESEBURGERS FOR YOUR LIFETIME!!!" e-mail and thinks, "Hey, this is for real! I'm going to check this out. In our society people hand things out for free all the time...I'm sure there are absolutely no strings attached here. Mmmm...I can taste those cheeseburgers now."

Anyway...to salute these fine, probably enjoyably naive folk, I give you today's greatest hits (listed by sender and tag line).


10) "Trade-in your car for a NEW ONE" from "What's Your Car Worth"
This e-mail was completely blank. What's up with that? Where's my new car!!? No indication of how one might get a hold of Duane or Carla What's Your Car Worth or their children, Bobby ("Scooter") What's You Car Worth, Jenny What's Your Car Worth, or little Duane What's Your Car Worth, III. Plus, don't get me started on capitalizing for emphasis...I HATE that.

9) "Cynical Democrats" from Mike Duncan, RNC Chairman
First of all, this includes my favorite junk mail glitch. For some reason, most of the junk mail I get on my hotmail account is addressed to "Sandra." And so, Mr. Duncan's very personal e-mail to me, a "concerned, patriotic citizen," hasn't even pieced together that I am a male. Well...you gotta figure if they haven't figured out that I'm a registered Independent either, well, then they need to get a new junk mail list from hotmail. This also illustrates the benefit of being an Independent...I get snide, snippy, self-righteous e-mails from both parties. The gist of this one is that if I should vote Democrat and/or support my Democratic representatives, then I am a anti-American, terrorist-loving, troop-hating, child-eating, Osama-kissing, Christ-betraying, government-destroying "Liberal who's trying to slow-bleed our troops." Now I'm confused. Another e-mail I got yesterday said that the Republicans hate our troops, America, apple pie, my dog, the elderly, and Almighty God. I'm confused.

Wait...did that sound cynical? Crud. Maybe I do hate America.

8)"Put-An-End-To-Those-Collection-Calls" from Loweryourdebt
Can the people who keep calling me to collect then tell me how to get you to stop e-mailing me? Seems fair to me.

7) "12 Cases of Pepsi or Diet" from Free-Soda
Now this is one I might click on...if it weren't for that darn hanging "Diet." Diet what? Pepsi, I'm assuming...but it could be anything. Diet Squirt (yikes!), Diet Fresca (yow!), my father's drink of choice--Diet Rite Zero (also known as seltzer water with brown food color). Or, worse yet, even though Mr. Fernando Free-Soda's name would indicate the genre of the giveaway, it could be Diet anything...Diet Miracle Whip (not a miracle...a curse), Diet Velveeta (removing the one thing it brings to the table...fat), or possibly even Diet Peanut Butter (an abomination unto the Lord). Yeah, seems like a Pandora's Box to me. Thanks but no thanks.

6) "Own a Home at Deep Discount" from Foreclosure Listings
Yeah, sorry. Got a home already (see: Put-an-end-to-those-collection-calls), plus don't know that you'd want to throw the words "foreclosure" and "deep discount" together if you're trying to hook me. As much as I love the idea of, at best, kicking somebody out on the street and, at worst, owning my very own meth house...I think I'll pass.

5) "Inc. 500 Company Seeks Managers" from Work at Home
This one isn't too big a stretch: "We here at IBM really need some managers...I've got it! Mass e-mail!" I didn't read this one, but if there was any truth to it, it probably went something like this: "Yes, an Inc. 500 company is seeking managers...but that has nothing to do with our jobs!!! Got you!!! If you're this gullible, you're going to have a hard time finding a job...we're here to help!"

4) "Roundtrip Airline Tickets On Us" from Airline Association
I thought that this might initially be penance for past sins (here and an earlier Christmas nightmare), but no such luck. I'm a little hesitant of this "AA," although my recent travels have had me looking for a 12 step program for recovery.

3) "FREE ebay home business kit" from Success on Ebay
Wait, if I can be a manager for a Inc. 500 company at home...why in the world do I need this? Oh yeah...I'm going to need the extra cash to help defend myself in all the lawsuits and broken windows I'm sure to suffer for being a communist, Uncle Sam hating, Nazi-hugging cynic.

2) "Gifts for your Best Friend" from PETCO offer
You know...as much as Julie likes to chew on things, I don't think that the whole rubber newspaper is going to go over well for a birthday gift. And, as for my other friends...I guess I could see a couple of them needing a grooming brush...although there might be a few takers on the teeth-cleaning bones.

1) "All Expense Paid Trip to See Dr. Phil in Holywood" from Talkshow Trip
I'm genuinely shocked. There are expenses involved in seeing Dr. Phil? People actually pay to attend a taping of this show? And, for that matter, why do they want me? Are they doing a show on Cuba-loving, dog-kicking, mother-disgracing, capitalism-destroying louts like me? And, if so...I'm covered. My manager job with Microsoft (not to mention the Ebay on the side) means that I can handle the cost. And, on top of that, the free tickets (not to mention all the Pepsi I can drink) are in the mail. So don't worry, Phil...you can count on good 'ol Sandra to be out there soon. As soon as I get off the phone with those debt collectors.

March 20, 2007

Delayed Madness

Long time, no post. Sorry for the delay. This recent hiatus in blogging has been due to a combination of things, not the least of which was my annual pilgrimage to watch the first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament with two of my closest friends from high school. I had an excellent time. We watched the games, made snide remarks about the commercials and commentators, made lasagna-turkey-and Frito sandwiches (I'm not kidding here), and even enjoyed watching the newly-released "Casino Royale" together (which is, incidentally, moving up my list every single viewing...it's a solid #2 now). As those of you who watched the tournament this past weekend already know, there was really only one problem:

Thursday and Friday's games were mind-bendingly predictable and dull.

There's a reason we gather (along with half the nation) every March: we want to see crazy things happen. We want to see Valparaiso nail a crazy three. We want to see Santa Clara beat Arizona. We want to see George Mason go to the Final Four. This year? Nothing. I'd have settled for a favorite sinking a buzzer beater (eventually got that wish on Saturday). But all day Thursday and all day Friday, the most interesting thing on our television was Greg Gumble's ever-expanding girth.

Late Friday, I found myself leaning over to one my friends (our host had already gone to sleep out of sheer boredom) and said, "This is March Sanity. March Logic. No Madness here. I want some madness...and I want it now."

Be careful what you wish for.

I hitched a ride to Omaha Saturday afternoon and was scheduled to leave Omaha on a plane that would get me in to Denver at an early enough time to get me home at a decent hour. Spend some time with Julie, look over the sermon, all is well.

Well...all was not well. My flight, the last one out that night to Denver, was cancelled. I was placed on the 6:40 (central time) flight out in the morning and given an all-to-brief-thanks-to-a-5:30-wake-up stay at the Hilton. My saint of a wife picked me up at the airport at 7:30 (mountain), and I groggily made may we through Sunday worship before practically falling asleep standing up at lunch.

And so...I was still groggy and a bit put out when I came in yesterday. Holy Week is coming...and the list of things to do is long. I got in to work a little early, and started to make my way through the stacks. Then the church got a call. A 40-year old woman who has had 8 heart attacks caused by a tumor wrapped around her heart (and who, consequently, can't hold a job) needed money for rent. Another call. A 19-year old man with two kids needed gas to get to his new job up in Fort Collins. I spent the majority of my morning lining up help, referring, calling agencies and Deacons, doing what I could to help. Julie called right around 10:30 and I muttered to her, "I'm not getting anything done."

When the smoke cleared around 1:30...I sat in my office and looked at what I was supposed to do around 9:00 that morning. I thought about Holy Week. I thought about what I had said to Julie earlier. I thought about my sermon for this Sunday...that talks about God's love changing our life and especially our "to-do" lists. And I remembered the stinging punchline of a story a pastor once told me about a Sunday when he went into the pulpit with a terrible sermon because he had spent the whole morning praying with one of the youth. He caught himself saying: "If I didn't have to help anybody else, I'd sure get a whole lot more work done."

So I learned another lesson of Lent. The lesson of stopping and seeing (and then doing) what is truly valuable. Of looking beyond my plans to what needs to get done. Of finding the divine method, even in our madness.

March 8, 2007

In Defense of Yellow Grass

It dawned on me as I walked out of our back door today that I've been looking forward to this day for quite some time. No, there really isn't anything all that special about March 8th, 2007 (other than the fact that we are doing our taxes today...please pray...hard), but it is a day that I have been asking God for.

This is the day that the snow has finally melted. Sure, there are some stubborn, nasty-looking spots hanging on...but that massive drift out our back door now stands at about an inch. And it doesn't look well...this weekend's predicted balminess will probably prove too much for it, leaving our yard (for the first time since before Christmas) snow free. Oh, how I prayed for this. In a short blog entry I wrote for my UDTS friends (titled "Let It Stop, Let It Stop, Let It Stop"), I referred to my white, fluffy nemesis as "the unholy, unrelenting, back-devouring, soul-sucking snow." Yeah. That sums up my feelings about it on January 10 pretty well. After weekend after weekend of snow...I just wanted to fast forward to Spring.

Well...today as I came to work, I looked around my yard.

And I want the snow back.

The lawns and streets around here look like some post-apocalyptic wasteland. The streets have hundreds of what could best described as "Crater-lets" (I swear I've seen magma come out of one of them) that turn a trip down main street into a 6.0 on the Richter scale. The melted snow has also uncovered many priceless gems long hidden from sight. Signs that were inadvertently destroyed by snowplows have been exposed, along with that omnipresent mixture that can only be classified as "The Filth." In the yards, parking lots, and the sides of the streets...anywhere where there was once a large pile of snow, there is now a pile of mud that bears the "treasures" buried beneath: pieces of asphalt, plastic bottles, exhaust-stained papers, gravel, and other muck. And "The Filth" (especially next to the bare trees and dead grass) gives a brown, lunar feel to the yards and streets. And I thought the snow was bad. And so I stood in my filthy back yard for a moment this morning and realized that the grass was not greener. It was, in fact, yellow.

I have found myself longing for Dubuque lately...missing my friends and the community that Julie and I loved so much there at seminary. But time and time again God reminds me of how I felt my first months of seminary (not to mention my first months at my new job, at Grad School, and at College). On the cusp of each new thing...on the cusp of what I would come to love and call home and an essential part of my life...I wished that could skip it. I wished that I could just fast forward or (better yet) rewind. Now, at times, I find myself wanting to rewind to then.

As I made my way through my incredibly filthy back yard to the garage, I passed the flower bed. There, slightly enough that it is impossible to catch if you don't stop, the tulips are coming up. Green is re-introducing itself to our backyard an inch at a time.

Thank God for slow, steady growth.
Thank God for the sustaining relationships and memories of seasons past.
Most of all, thank God for the signs always around us of Springs to come.

March 5, 2007

Waking the Deadbolt

Desperate times call for desperate measures...and those desperate measures can sometimes make you all the more desperate (or, perhaps, simply a bit anxious).

After spending the lion's share of last week up in the mountains on continuing education, I found myself back at home on Friday with a morning completely devoted to errands. As I prepared to leave the house, I went through the checklist: "Coupon for haircut, check. Deposit slip for bank, check. Note I need to drop off at church, check. CDs to listen to in the car, check, and so on and so on. As I was organizing myself and all of these things, I reflexively slipped the doorknob over to lock and close the door. It was only when I got to my car that I realized that my keys had been left inside.

Now...I don't know if I'm the only one who does this or not, but when faced with a situation like this, I usually go through three stages:
1) Realization. I quickly do the math and realize how dumb I really am. In this case, I realize that Julie is in Fort Collins, my cell phone is in with my keys, and the spare we have been keeping at somebody else's house is inside thanks to the last time I locked my keys in the house (Yes, this was instance #2. Shut up.). I soon realized that I really didn't have any options, and that my morning (if not my entire day) was about to be filled with long walks and/or bugging people to use their phones.
2) Self-Chastising. Faced with the reality of my own short sightedness, I usually replace normal breathing with a quiet, personal monologue. This past Friday it was, "I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid..." as I desperately walked around the yard and garage. Why was I walking around the yard and garage? Well, because of...
3) Dumb Idea Mode. In situations like these, I am so desperate to save my day and/or calling Julie to inconvenience/admit my stupidity to her, I usually consider a whole host of completely stupid, illogical ideas before I do anything that makes sense. Friday, this meant that after I found out that the neighbors weren't home (thus eliminating the "Call the Locksmith--Pretend Nothing Happened" contingency), I combed all through the garage, "just in case Julie or I had dropped a spare key at some time." I followed that winner up with the "maybe Julie put a spare under our doormats and didn't tell me" theory. Pure genius.

Anyway...you get the picture. Slightly distressed man, wandering around his yard and house, pockets crammed full of coupons, notes, and bank slips, muttering "I'm so stupid" to himself. Yeah. I'd want him to be my pastor.

Finally, I stumble on to one more dumb idea. I pull a credit card (actually, a movie rental membership card...slightly more flexible) out of my wallet and walk to the door. It took me 30 seconds.

This caused a strange set of emotions. There was, of course, elation at first. The humiliating call to Julie (and the corresponding "You're smarter than this...you really are" look) was avoided, and my day was saved. But then, slowly, it dawned on me. I just got into my house in 30 seconds without having a key. It usually takes me upwards of a minute to get in when I have my keys (I am a large key ring guy). A complete stranger could actually beat me into my own house. This is not a good thing. Suddenly, a bit more of that small town naivety melted away...and that's always a sad thing.

And so, we learned two important lesson this weekend. First, we will now employ the deadbolt every time we leave the house...and, I know, it's a big pain to take that extra ten seconds to lock it...but hey, it's family. And...even though we may be a bit nervous about intruders...we will also be keeping another key hidden somewhere on our property. Because we learned another important thing this weekend: We may be willing to roll the dice on security for six months in our new house, but gamble on me actually being observant?

Yeah...nobody's taking those odds.