Flashback

An entry written yesterday, but held back...and now reconsidered:

One year ago today (August 20), I received a "Rev." in front of my name and was given a call to go out and serve God and God's people with "energy, intelligence, imagination, and love." And as I turned around and faced the congregation, I was dumb struck. With a sea of family and friends in front of me, I was almost paralyzed by the realization that God had used so many people to bring me down that road to ordination...the people who had formed me, taught me, loved me, and made me who I am. And I was paralyzed, too, with the realization of that call in front of me...that I was to be a pastor.

Has it been one year already?

Some days it feels shorter...like the blink of an eye. When it feels like a miracle that all those sermon have somehow managed to come out of me. When I can feel and see myself growing, learning, and giving more up. Days when I thank God for my seminary and for all those people who taught me so much along the way. Days when I feel called, part of family and a tradition, days when I know that this is who I am made to be.

Some days it feels longer. And sometimes, it's a whole week that feels that way. This past week, neck-deep in church decor squabbles, lack of volunteers, a sermon that just won't work, IRS junk, and a whole list of things that need to get done...it feels like work. Like I'm fooling myself. Like the energy, imagination, intelligence and love aren't limitless. There are days when the self-pity kicks in and I feel alone, overworked, and useless. In other words, the last thing I feel is called.

I heard news Sunday of a long time friend of the family, a doctor who was one of my mother's first co-workers, delivered me and my siblings, sang next to me in the church choir for years, continued to write me every week, and was, in general a wonderful mentor and friend. Julie and I made sure to stop and see Doc and his wife every time we were home...to catch up and re-connect. We had a running joke. Nearly every time I would see him growing up, he would try to convince me to go into medicine, usually with something to the effect of: "You need to stop playing around and join the best profession." After my decision to go to seminary, he made that joke less...but we'd still throw it around once and a while.

Sunday I learned that Doc had decided to stop dialysis for his failed kidneys. He had made the decision earlier in the week, so by the time Sunday rolled around, they were worried that his consciousness/faculties would be slipping. If I wanted to talk to him, I needed to do so as soon as possible.

I hesitantly dialed the phone...and, sure enough, got him in the hospital room and he was still aware of what was going on. He asked how church was going, how many we had on Sunday, and how Julie was doing. I asked him if his family was there, if he was in any pain, how long he had been at the hospital. You know, "small talk" when you know you're talking to somebody for the last time. There was a long pause, and then the following exchange:

Me: "Doc, I just want you to know that we love you and are praying for you."
Doc: "Thank you. I want you to know that I'm proud of the work you're doing."
Me: "Well, I'm doing my best for the second-best profession...thanks."
Doc: "No. You are doing what you should be doing...and your'e doing a magnificent job. God is using you. You are doing what you were made to do."

We said good-bye, and that was all.

And so it happened that the Sunday exactly one year after my ordination at nearly the exact time that I stood before friends and family and gave the benediction one year ago...God reached down again. And again, it was through the self-giving love of those who have ministered to me. And again I am paralyzed...that even in the midst of pain and grief, God decided that I was somehow deserving, reached down...

And saw fit to ordain my call once again.

Ranking: The Summer Movies I've Seen

As some of you may know, I enjoying going to movies...especially in the summer. They've been particularly attractive this summer for several reasons:

1) It's been 90+ here nearly every day since June and we don't have air conditioning.

2) It's always a good day off activity to catch a opening-day matinee and put church stuff into the back of my brain for a while.

3) It's better than sitting around and looking at our yard (now nicknamed "El Scorcho.")

Anyway...Julie and I have made it to 8 movies together this summer and I went to one on my own. While we have enjoyed some independent-type movies, we generally go for the more mainsteam movies and enjoy them just fine, thank you. In other words, I'm not a movie snob (as you're about to see), and I don't pretend to be. But, for what it's worth and for a little debate, here's what I thought. Here's the nine:

9. Spider-Man 3

I had high hopes for this one...which is probably the problem. Julie and I both loved #2, and we thought that character development would continue. Oops. As I watched this movie, I couldn't help but think to myself that it was written with one goal in mind: to sell toys to prepubescent boys. I kept imagining the script writing sessions being peppered with labored 80s interjections: "The Goblin should be on a skateboard! SWEET! No...no...no...a flying skateboard! BOSS! And this dude, this dude totally made of sand could totally start killing this building! GNARLY!" And then, after they all took a break to drink some Kool-Aid, they filled in a "plot."

8. The Simpsons Movie

You can definitely chalk this up to too-high expectations. I haven't watched the show regularly in years now, but I still have a special place in my heart for the show and enjoy watching reruns. After getting a good chuckle out of the commercials (especially the Spider Pig bit), I went in with high hopes. It was fine...nothing terrible. Just not nearly as funny as I thought it was going to be.

7. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Let's just put it this way: When I go to these movies, I feel like I'm in a conversion van in the middle of Manhattan at 5:00...and I'm the only one without the map. I can track with the story somewhat, but my lack of interest in the books has turned my Potter movie-going experience into something akin to reading Shakespeare in French. Added to this confusion is that terrible feeling I get when people gasp and make statements like: "You haven't read any of the Harry Potter books!? But you're an English major!!" as if I've been putting off reading "Crime and Punishment" or kicking puppies.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

A good-enough summer blockbuster, but (again) still came up short of expectations. After watching #2 again, Julie and I talked ourselves into the possibility it building to a place where we loved all three as much as the first. While it had some great stuff in it (see: Keith Richards), it was still slow, confusing, and self-important in too many places. All that said, it did contain an unkillable monkey. Big plus.

5. Transformers

Let me just say this first: if this move would have come out when I was in 5th Grade, I would have simply stayed in the theater until they stopped showing it. They couldn't have moved me...not without prying me out of the chair with a crowbar. I really enjoyed going this movie...it helps that I was going into it expecting a disaster with Michael Bay (Armageddon, Con Air) directing. But, really, this is the only kind of movie he should be allowed to direct. It didn't need a plot...all I really wanted to see were large, cool robots going ten rounds and saying things like "One will stand and one will fall." I wanted to relive my childhood. And, what can I say, it delivered.

4. Ratatouille

A good story with some funny moments. It walks the line of boring on occasion, but at least it had some imagination and plot that several of the movies above so desperately lacked. But...and I can't stress this enough...this is summer. So, during the slower parts of this movie, I couldn't help but wish that somebody would blow up half the kitchen or that the rats would get into some sort of Porshe chase. But, I realize this is a Disney flick. It's not like it's....

3. Live Free or Die Hard

I actually saw this one with Julie, and we both liked it. Again, lowered expectations...but it was still a decent time at the movies. We didn't expect a whole lot...I mean, it's a Die Hard movie. Just follow the recipe: two parts snide remarks, one part white tank top, three parts stuff blowin' up, two parts evil villain. Combine, cook for two hours. Hello summer movie.

2. Ocean's 13

I don't know too many people who dislike the first one of these movies...I think I'm one of the few people who actually liked the second. I will agree that this one is much better, though...and nothing better than bringing in Al Pacino just to make sure it rocks.

1. The Borne Ultimatum

Holy smokes. Julie and I saw this one last night and...holy smokes. The best movie I've seen in a while. We saw the first one and liked it. Loved the second one and were amazed that it topped the first one. We went into this one with 9-foot expectations...and were blown away. They further the plot and develop the characters...they even incorporate the last movie seamlessly. And, on top of that, you have Matt Damon doing crazy, crazy, crazy, things. And things blowing up. This is summer, after all.

So there it is. I guess, if you want an executive summary of my movie-going summer, it would be this: lower your expectations, and you might just get out alive.