Ranking: The Summer Movies I've Seen

As some of you may know, I enjoying going to movies...especially in the summer. They've been particularly attractive this summer for several reasons:

1) It's been 90+ here nearly every day since June and we don't have air conditioning.

2) It's always a good day off activity to catch a opening-day matinee and put church stuff into the back of my brain for a while.

3) It's better than sitting around and looking at our yard (now nicknamed "El Scorcho.")

Anyway...Julie and I have made it to 8 movies together this summer and I went to one on my own. While we have enjoyed some independent-type movies, we generally go for the more mainsteam movies and enjoy them just fine, thank you. In other words, I'm not a movie snob (as you're about to see), and I don't pretend to be. But, for what it's worth and for a little debate, here's what I thought. Here's the nine:

9. Spider-Man 3

I had high hopes for this one...which is probably the problem. Julie and I both loved #2, and we thought that character development would continue. Oops. As I watched this movie, I couldn't help but think to myself that it was written with one goal in mind: to sell toys to prepubescent boys. I kept imagining the script writing sessions being peppered with labored 80s interjections: "The Goblin should be on a skateboard! SWEET! No...no...no...a flying skateboard! BOSS! And this dude, this dude totally made of sand could totally start killing this building! GNARLY!" And then, after they all took a break to drink some Kool-Aid, they filled in a "plot."

8. The Simpsons Movie

You can definitely chalk this up to too-high expectations. I haven't watched the show regularly in years now, but I still have a special place in my heart for the show and enjoy watching reruns. After getting a good chuckle out of the commercials (especially the Spider Pig bit), I went in with high hopes. It was fine...nothing terrible. Just not nearly as funny as I thought it was going to be.

7. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Let's just put it this way: When I go to these movies, I feel like I'm in a conversion van in the middle of Manhattan at 5:00...and I'm the only one without the map. I can track with the story somewhat, but my lack of interest in the books has turned my Potter movie-going experience into something akin to reading Shakespeare in French. Added to this confusion is that terrible feeling I get when people gasp and make statements like: "You haven't read any of the Harry Potter books!? But you're an English major!!" as if I've been putting off reading "Crime and Punishment" or kicking puppies.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

A good-enough summer blockbuster, but (again) still came up short of expectations. After watching #2 again, Julie and I talked ourselves into the possibility it building to a place where we loved all three as much as the first. While it had some great stuff in it (see: Keith Richards), it was still slow, confusing, and self-important in too many places. All that said, it did contain an unkillable monkey. Big plus.

5. Transformers

Let me just say this first: if this move would have come out when I was in 5th Grade, I would have simply stayed in the theater until they stopped showing it. They couldn't have moved me...not without prying me out of the chair with a crowbar. I really enjoyed going this movie...it helps that I was going into it expecting a disaster with Michael Bay (Armageddon, Con Air) directing. But, really, this is the only kind of movie he should be allowed to direct. It didn't need a plot...all I really wanted to see were large, cool robots going ten rounds and saying things like "One will stand and one will fall." I wanted to relive my childhood. And, what can I say, it delivered.

4. Ratatouille

A good story with some funny moments. It walks the line of boring on occasion, but at least it had some imagination and plot that several of the movies above so desperately lacked. But...and I can't stress this enough...this is summer. So, during the slower parts of this movie, I couldn't help but wish that somebody would blow up half the kitchen or that the rats would get into some sort of Porshe chase. But, I realize this is a Disney flick. It's not like it's....

3. Live Free or Die Hard

I actually saw this one with Julie, and we both liked it. Again, lowered expectations...but it was still a decent time at the movies. We didn't expect a whole lot...I mean, it's a Die Hard movie. Just follow the recipe: two parts snide remarks, one part white tank top, three parts stuff blowin' up, two parts evil villain. Combine, cook for two hours. Hello summer movie.

2. Ocean's 13

I don't know too many people who dislike the first one of these movies...I think I'm one of the few people who actually liked the second. I will agree that this one is much better, though...and nothing better than bringing in Al Pacino just to make sure it rocks.

1. The Borne Ultimatum

Holy smokes. Julie and I saw this one last night and...holy smokes. The best movie I've seen in a while. We saw the first one and liked it. Loved the second one and were amazed that it topped the first one. We went into this one with 9-foot expectations...and were blown away. They further the plot and develop the characters...they even incorporate the last movie seamlessly. And, on top of that, you have Matt Damon doing crazy, crazy, crazy, things. And things blowing up. This is summer, after all.

So there it is. I guess, if you want an executive summary of my movie-going summer, it would be this: lower your expectations, and you might just get out alive.