My Internal Life: A Short Play

Setting: Home at three in the afternoon April 11, 2007

Our main character "Scott" has just arrived at home after a day at work. Because he went in to work at 8:00, he has arrived home at 3:30 with a chunk of free time. Scott is accompanied by PastorScott, who is dressed in slacks and a collared shirt. They walk in the door to find LethargicScott, dressed in an old tattered shirt and pajama pants, sitting on the couch with a bag of tortilla chips in his lap.

LethargicScott: Hey! You're finally home! Let's watch last night's American Idol!!!
Scott: Yeah, nice try...you're gonna have to work harder than that.
PastorScott: Hey...I have an idea for Sunday's sermon...
LethargicScott: Back off!!! You had him for Easter!! He's mine now! James Bond is calling, my friend!
Scott: Now you're talking. (To PastorScott) Catch you later.

HomeOwnerScott enters from the back door wearing a tattered Cubs hat.

HomeOwnerScott: What a day! Let's mow the yard!
Scott: I notice you're still walking with a limp...
ALL: Frickin' snow.
LethargicScott: Which reminds me...why would you want to mow today? It's beautiful outside, and it's supposed to snow 9 inches tomorrow!! Seize the day!
Scott: By doing what?
LethargicScott: Watching a movie here on the couch! We could open the window!

PostmodernScott enters wearing something that isn't terribly functional, but is extremely comfortable.

PostmodernScott: You need to follow your joy. What would make you happy right now?
Scott: Well...I'd sure like to get that yard mowed...I don't feel like doing it, but afterward...
PostmodernScott: No, no, no...silly boy. Not later. Not after (gasp) effort. NOW. What feels good...now?
Scott: Where did you come from, anyway?
PostmodernScott: You're a human being between the ages of 15 and 35 who has had access to media his entire life. I'm automatically installed. Don't make me call SarcasmScott.
HomeOwnerScott: I hate to bring up the yard again...
LethargicScott: Shut it!!! Man...where's RenterScott? That guy was the best.

Enter StayInShapeScott wearing shirts, shoes, and a ballcap from the mid-90s.

StayInShapeScott: Hey...you haven't been on the treadmill in a couple of weeks...
All Others: Not you again.
LethargicScott: Didn't we kill you about 10 years back? Remember...it was self-preservation. You tried to take us running, and you darn near killed us all...
PostmodernScott: Not fun.
Scott: Yeah, Tim called 911 because he thought I had accidentally drunk some Drain-o...
PastorScott: Yeah...we killed you. Right then and there. Swore you off for life.
StayInShapeScott: Julie knows CPR.
All others: Dangit.

LethargicScott: Well, I do know one thing. We haven't watched "Casino Royale" in nearly two weeks now.
Scott: He does have a point...
HomeOwnerScott: Come on...if you don't mow today, it's going to be taller than the house.
LethargicScott: As long as it's less than 9 inches, you're golden.
HomeOwnerScott: It looks terrible.
PastorScott: I dropped my keys in it the other day, and it took me five hours to find them...
HomeOwnerScott: Come on, it's a nice day!
PostmodernScott: Outside of you feeling good, nature is really one of the only things that I am strongly in favor of...so I'm in.
StayInShapeScott: I guess it would qualify as some sort of exercise...sort of.
PastorScott: And hey...I could think about the long-term vision of the church while I...
All others: SHUT UP!!!!
HomeOwnerScott: You like mowing. Mowing's in your blood, man. Your father passed it on to you...it is part of you. Mowing is your destiny...
LethargicScott: Sounds like Darth Vader...
Scott: OK. It's settled...I'll mow the yard and try not to think about church while I do it.
PastorScott: I'll be back.

Everyone leaves except for LethargicScott...Scott starts to leave, then sticks his head back through the door.

Scott: PlayStation later?
LethargicScott: Cubs all the way, baby!!!

END